A Japanese artist has made a couple of projects titled "Vacuum Packing!" and "Vacuum Packing! Heartbeat", which as it's name suggests, involves vacuum packing a person completely in rubber, in suspension. While vac racks/beds are known for rubber fetish uses, this is the first time I've seen this in the mainstream. Well not really, as it's an art piece/installation, but you know what I mean. :) What really interests me about this is how the entire body is held in suspension rather than lying on your back, and that the rubber is coming from all directions forming a 3D cocoon rather than being squashed flat in a vac rack.
It would be hot to be completely encased in either one of those devices, particularly the 'Heartbeat' which appropriate sounds (*ahem*) could be pumped into the person inside.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
The Aneros
Some months back, someone told me about the Aneros and so I looked it up and reading about it intrigued me, so yesterday I went out and bought one. It was rather expensive for a 'toy' but from the testimonials and reviews on other sites, it seems to work as advertised, and then some.
The Aneros itself looks like a fancy butt plug, but it's actually a specially designed prostate massager. Its base has a little knob which presses against your perineum. Once inserted into your anus, all the different parts just lock-in on the right places, stimulating the various erogenous zones simultaneously.
I had the evening to myself, so I followed the instructions carefully, and as excited as I was about trying it out, took my time to relax and get into the mood. The steps call for being in a relaxed state, and aware of the sensations that you're feeling. When you're comfortable with the Aneros inside, you'd start contracting your sphincter muscles. Learning how to control your muscles is key to using the Aneros, as it is completely controlled by contractions of your sphincter. The harder you clench it, the deeper it goes. It's a marvel how this all works. After a bit of practice, I found that I was stroking my prostate with the Aneros, and it felt really, really nice.
This relaxation, breathing and muscle control is very similar to Tantric sex and Kegel exercises.
Just by lying there and massaging my prostate completely hands-free, I reached a state of complete ecstasy and was writhing around on my bed. It was an orgasm I've never experienced before, one that was continuous and in waves, rather than a single explosion. As it was non-ejaculary, there wasn't a refractory period where I normally can't masturbate again for a few hours. So I just carried on and reached that peak a few times. I was dribbling pre-cum too which doesn't normally happen for me.
I managed to control myself and keep my hands of my cock till the very end, but will all that stimulation going on elsewhere, it got really hard, really quickly, and timing the strokes with the movement of the Aneros inside, the feeling was unbelievable. With the prior muscle practice, I was found it easier to control ejaculation and maintain the euphoria you'd normally get that few seconds before you cum. When I finally let myself go, my whole body was shuddering, and your sphincter normally contracts repeatedly and so this makes the Aneros stroke the prostate continuously, resulting in mind-blowing orgasm and a huge load of cum which ended up all over the place.
Needless to say, at the end of the hour-long session, I was completely drained, but very satisfied. Even now, the day after, I'm still feeling the pleasurable sensations around my prostate when I contract my sphincter muscles, as if the Aneros was still in there. No argument that is is one of the best things I've bought so far. I can't wait for the next chance I get to use it!
The Aneros itself looks like a fancy butt plug, but it's actually a specially designed prostate massager. Its base has a little knob which presses against your perineum. Once inserted into your anus, all the different parts just lock-in on the right places, stimulating the various erogenous zones simultaneously.
I had the evening to myself, so I followed the instructions carefully, and as excited as I was about trying it out, took my time to relax and get into the mood. The steps call for being in a relaxed state, and aware of the sensations that you're feeling. When you're comfortable with the Aneros inside, you'd start contracting your sphincter muscles. Learning how to control your muscles is key to using the Aneros, as it is completely controlled by contractions of your sphincter. The harder you clench it, the deeper it goes. It's a marvel how this all works. After a bit of practice, I found that I was stroking my prostate with the Aneros, and it felt really, really nice.
This relaxation, breathing and muscle control is very similar to Tantric sex and Kegel exercises.
Just by lying there and massaging my prostate completely hands-free, I reached a state of complete ecstasy and was writhing around on my bed. It was an orgasm I've never experienced before, one that was continuous and in waves, rather than a single explosion. As it was non-ejaculary, there wasn't a refractory period where I normally can't masturbate again for a few hours. So I just carried on and reached that peak a few times. I was dribbling pre-cum too which doesn't normally happen for me.
I managed to control myself and keep my hands of my cock till the very end, but will all that stimulation going on elsewhere, it got really hard, really quickly, and timing the strokes with the movement of the Aneros inside, the feeling was unbelievable. With the prior muscle practice, I was found it easier to control ejaculation and maintain the euphoria you'd normally get that few seconds before you cum. When I finally let myself go, my whole body was shuddering, and your sphincter normally contracts repeatedly and so this makes the Aneros stroke the prostate continuously, resulting in mind-blowing orgasm and a huge load of cum which ended up all over the place.
Needless to say, at the end of the hour-long session, I was completely drained, but very satisfied. Even now, the day after, I'm still feeling the pleasurable sensations around my prostate when I contract my sphincter muscles, as if the Aneros was still in there. No argument that is is one of the best things I've bought so far. I can't wait for the next chance I get to use it!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Coming Out
3rd August 2005 - The fateful day that I finally spilt the beans.
My mom had been visiting and staying with me, and the week before, she had met S at a dinner I had organized. In the following days, while just chatting to her, she kept mentioning that some of her closest friends are gay and how amazed she is when they show her glimses of their lifestyle, and how different it is in reality to what the media stereotypes homosexuals to be. I had no idea why she was telling me all of this.
On Tuesday night the 2nd, I was freaking out. I had been thinking of coming out to mom for a few months now, trying to figure out the right time and place, and thinking of what to say. She was staying with me, so i didn't feel comfortable calling up S on the phone to talk as the walls in this apartment are paper-thin. So I texted him and had him go online and chatted there.
S had already met her and enjoyed her company, and I believe the reverse was true too. He was utterly convinced she already knew about me being gay. But even still, I couldn't help but to worry and get anxious about how she would react, and anticipating the worst. I finally decided I'd take her out to brunch the next day.
Wednesday morning. I was up early and at my computer. Mom came in the lounge room for a bit, then was on her way to the kitchen to make her coffee... I stopped her and asked if she'd like to go out for brunch. She was a bit surprised but said she'd have her coffee first, then wash up and change.
We took a stroll down to a nearby cafe and had a leisurely breakfast, talking about all sorts. Work, family, my brothers. A few times I tried to steer the conversation to something which I could segue into my coming out. But it just didn't happen. We finished breakfast, mom even had a second cup of coffee. We got up, paid and started walking back. We'd have to walk through a park on the way back and I thought that'd be a great place to tell her... but we walked, and we talked, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
It was literally 2 doors away from my apartment block when I just stopped in my tracks. It was now or never. I couldn't get a better chance to do this, so I did. I told her, "Mom, I've got something to tell you." followed by a long pause. I tried to remember everything I prepared to say to her, but I blanked out. I continued, "OK, I'll just get straight to the point. I'm gay." Her response? "That's alright son... I kinda figured already."
My head was spinning. The sense of relief was unbelievable. All the pressure released like air from a balloon. The only thing I could think of to say at that point, was to ask her "so what made you think so?" Her answer was that it was from her observation at how I was unable to commit to my previous (hetero) relationships. This would mean she actually figured it out before even I did myself!
Back in the apartment, while she was preparing some lunch for my brother, I continued talking to her about me being gay and I was so relieved that she is so comfortable with the fact. She even picked up that S was my partner, even though nobody said a word and during dinner we were both trying our best to hide it.
When I told S all that had happened, he said it must have been one of the world's easiest coming outs ever. Almost a anti-climatic non-event, even. He was a little bit disappointed that there wasn't more drama involved, but still proud of me for what I did. I have to thank him for the support and encouragement to finally be able to be honest with my own mom.
I told a few of my gay friends about this, including B, from way back. It was also his birthday on that day and his reply was "That's the best birthday present I've ever got!". Another friend in Sydney thought I was utterly mad for having come out to my mom. But having said that, he had his family staying over a couple of weeks later, and he too decided to come out to mom. Apparently I was some sort of inspiration for him to do so.
On hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been as anxious as I was, but when you're put in that position, you just can't help to worry about what the outcome would be like. I'm out to my mom now, but still not to my brothers, nor to my 'old' friends who know me from school or uni life. They will all know, someday.
My mom had been visiting and staying with me, and the week before, she had met S at a dinner I had organized. In the following days, while just chatting to her, she kept mentioning that some of her closest friends are gay and how amazed she is when they show her glimses of their lifestyle, and how different it is in reality to what the media stereotypes homosexuals to be. I had no idea why she was telling me all of this.
On Tuesday night the 2nd, I was freaking out. I had been thinking of coming out to mom for a few months now, trying to figure out the right time and place, and thinking of what to say. She was staying with me, so i didn't feel comfortable calling up S on the phone to talk as the walls in this apartment are paper-thin. So I texted him and had him go online and chatted there.
S had already met her and enjoyed her company, and I believe the reverse was true too. He was utterly convinced she already knew about me being gay. But even still, I couldn't help but to worry and get anxious about how she would react, and anticipating the worst. I finally decided I'd take her out to brunch the next day.
Wednesday morning. I was up early and at my computer. Mom came in the lounge room for a bit, then was on her way to the kitchen to make her coffee... I stopped her and asked if she'd like to go out for brunch. She was a bit surprised but said she'd have her coffee first, then wash up and change.
We took a stroll down to a nearby cafe and had a leisurely breakfast, talking about all sorts. Work, family, my brothers. A few times I tried to steer the conversation to something which I could segue into my coming out. But it just didn't happen. We finished breakfast, mom even had a second cup of coffee. We got up, paid and started walking back. We'd have to walk through a park on the way back and I thought that'd be a great place to tell her... but we walked, and we talked, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
It was literally 2 doors away from my apartment block when I just stopped in my tracks. It was now or never. I couldn't get a better chance to do this, so I did. I told her, "Mom, I've got something to tell you." followed by a long pause. I tried to remember everything I prepared to say to her, but I blanked out. I continued, "OK, I'll just get straight to the point. I'm gay." Her response? "That's alright son... I kinda figured already."
My head was spinning. The sense of relief was unbelievable. All the pressure released like air from a balloon. The only thing I could think of to say at that point, was to ask her "so what made you think so?" Her answer was that it was from her observation at how I was unable to commit to my previous (hetero) relationships. This would mean she actually figured it out before even I did myself!
Back in the apartment, while she was preparing some lunch for my brother, I continued talking to her about me being gay and I was so relieved that she is so comfortable with the fact. She even picked up that S was my partner, even though nobody said a word and during dinner we were both trying our best to hide it.
When I told S all that had happened, he said it must have been one of the world's easiest coming outs ever. Almost a anti-climatic non-event, even. He was a little bit disappointed that there wasn't more drama involved, but still proud of me for what I did. I have to thank him for the support and encouragement to finally be able to be honest with my own mom.
I told a few of my gay friends about this, including B, from way back. It was also his birthday on that day and his reply was "That's the best birthday present I've ever got!". Another friend in Sydney thought I was utterly mad for having come out to my mom. But having said that, he had his family staying over a couple of weeks later, and he too decided to come out to mom. Apparently I was some sort of inspiration for him to do so.
On hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been as anxious as I was, but when you're put in that position, you just can't help to worry about what the outcome would be like. I'm out to my mom now, but still not to my brothers, nor to my 'old' friends who know me from school or uni life. They will all know, someday.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
The Year That Was
Wow. What a year it has been. A big year of growth and transformation for me. Death and rebirth.
At the time I started this blog, I was in an emotional flux, and only starting to explore my rubber fetish in earnest. I've since acquired some rubber gear, enough to proudly say I have a complete outfit now.
I've also met some interesting people and found love amidst some thorny experiences.
There was a big gap in my blog posts after that, but during that time, S and I have gotten closer and guess what, he's my boyfriend now. It kinda crept up on us. I didn't realize or even expect he'd be feeling the same about me. We've shared a lot of experiences together, and even had very similar situations happen in our respective lives. I've had a family tragedy this year and S was there to give me the support I needed badly at the time. He understood what I was going through and gave me a reason to live and look forward to.
I am totally at ease around S, and we've done a lot of exploring of my sexuality and fetish. We've had the most mind-blowing sex ever. He's introduced me to mild bondage with cling-wrap, the use of amyl and breath control. We've given each other the most sensual full body massages. I enjoy his touch and cuddles. And it's not always about rubber, we also enjoy plain 'ol vanilla sex. He is caring and sensitive, yet not pushy and demanding. He nurtures me without being constricting. We sometimes have differing ideas and preferences of fun, but we always work it out and accommodate each other's wishes.
I've come a long way with the awareness of who I am and what I like, sexually. I've also realized love comes in all shapes and sizes and that it doesn't matter what gender that person is. I have finally learnt what real love feels like and to further confirm that, I'm missing S dearly this festive season while we're both away at our respective family homes. I'm counting the days till I see him again.
At the time I started this blog, I was in an emotional flux, and only starting to explore my rubber fetish in earnest. I've since acquired some rubber gear, enough to proudly say I have a complete outfit now.
I've also met some interesting people and found love amidst some thorny experiences.
There was a big gap in my blog posts after that, but during that time, S and I have gotten closer and guess what, he's my boyfriend now. It kinda crept up on us. I didn't realize or even expect he'd be feeling the same about me. We've shared a lot of experiences together, and even had very similar situations happen in our respective lives. I've had a family tragedy this year and S was there to give me the support I needed badly at the time. He understood what I was going through and gave me a reason to live and look forward to.
I am totally at ease around S, and we've done a lot of exploring of my sexuality and fetish. We've had the most mind-blowing sex ever. He's introduced me to mild bondage with cling-wrap, the use of amyl and breath control. We've given each other the most sensual full body massages. I enjoy his touch and cuddles. And it's not always about rubber, we also enjoy plain 'ol vanilla sex. He is caring and sensitive, yet not pushy and demanding. He nurtures me without being constricting. We sometimes have differing ideas and preferences of fun, but we always work it out and accommodate each other's wishes.
I've come a long way with the awareness of who I am and what I like, sexually. I've also realized love comes in all shapes and sizes and that it doesn't matter what gender that person is. I have finally learnt what real love feels like and to further confirm that, I'm missing S dearly this festive season while we're both away at our respective family homes. I'm counting the days till I see him again.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Merry Christmas!
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy (and rubbery) New Year. Be safe this holiday season!
Gas Mask
I've recently bought a gas mask from ebay. Although initially I never really thought of gas masks being sexy or horny, as I've chatted with fellow rubberists and hearing their experiences of incorporating a gas mask into their play, the idea warmed on me. I first tried on a few at Eagle Leather (a German m40 and Russian type) and it actually felt quite nice, having your head and face tightly enclosed, with the rubber or rubber-like material gripping tightly and slightly laboured breathing through the filters (and smelling the rubber.. mmm)
I didn't buy the masks I tried on at Eagle straight away, cos I couldn't justify the price at the time. So I went back and researched the different mask types and shopped around elsewhere, like the army disposals and on eBay. Sometime around the end of November I was just browsing on ebay and happened to see a good price for an american m17a2 gas mask, which had been recommended to me by someone. It was a bundle of the mask, plus a carry bag, chemical hood and a few other things, and the auction was ending in a few hours so I placed a bid, and surprisingly I won it. It was a pretty good price for what I was getting, but after adding shipping and money transfer fees, it wasn't exactly as good a deal as i thought it was. At best it was similar to what I'd have paid at a local army disposal shop.
When the mask arrived I gleefully took the postal slip to the post office to collect the parcel. It was bigger and heavier than I expected. I opened the package like a kid on Christmas morning. I tried it on immediately and it was better than the other two masks I tried at Eagle. Felt awesome, but I had to rush off to work so I didn't have time to have a good play with it. Although I ended up paying more than I would have liked, after receiving it and trying it on, I think it's worth every cent.
I didn't buy the masks I tried on at Eagle straight away, cos I couldn't justify the price at the time. So I went back and researched the different mask types and shopped around elsewhere, like the army disposals and on eBay. Sometime around the end of November I was just browsing on ebay and happened to see a good price for an american m17a2 gas mask, which had been recommended to me by someone. It was a bundle of the mask, plus a carry bag, chemical hood and a few other things, and the auction was ending in a few hours so I placed a bid, and surprisingly I won it. It was a pretty good price for what I was getting, but after adding shipping and money transfer fees, it wasn't exactly as good a deal as i thought it was. At best it was similar to what I'd have paid at a local army disposal shop.
When the mask arrived I gleefully took the postal slip to the post office to collect the parcel. It was bigger and heavier than I expected. I opened the package like a kid on Christmas morning. I tried it on immediately and it was better than the other two masks I tried at Eagle. Felt awesome, but I had to rush off to work so I didn't have time to have a good play with it. Although I ended up paying more than I would have liked, after receiving it and trying it on, I think it's worth every cent.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Leggings from Invincible
My latest rubber purchase was a pair of leggings from Invincible Rubber. They were having a sale in August and offering a significant discount on their wares. I was quite concerned about the sizing and had shot a few emails to them with my measurements and I got a prompt reply recommending a "Small", so that's what I ordered.
The order took a few days to be processed, which was understandable as it was a bank holiday on the day I submitted it, and also it being the last few days of their sale and falling on a weekend. I'm guessing they must have had a deluge of orders to go through. After I got the confirmation email and the credit card billed, the package arrived in about a week from the UK. Pretty impressive.
As for the fit, it's amazing, for an off-the-shelf cut. I'd consider myself on the slim side and the rubber still fits skin tight, and the length is just perfect. They have leggings in a few styles and I had ordered the one with a through zip, from the crotch all the way to just above the bum cheeks. They did not specify the number of zippers on their web site so I had assumed there would be two, maybe three if I was lucky. To my surprise there were FOUR! Not that it's a big deal to me, but it does allow for more flexible configurations of use. ;)
The rubber is of a medium thickness and feels great. Soft and pliable enough that it forms a good second skin without being too uncomfortable.
I was recommended Invincible by a few friends and I would not hesitate to buy from them again and can vouch for their quality and service. Perhaps next time it'll be a catsuit. :)
The order took a few days to be processed, which was understandable as it was a bank holiday on the day I submitted it, and also it being the last few days of their sale and falling on a weekend. I'm guessing they must have had a deluge of orders to go through. After I got the confirmation email and the credit card billed, the package arrived in about a week from the UK. Pretty impressive.
As for the fit, it's amazing, for an off-the-shelf cut. I'd consider myself on the slim side and the rubber still fits skin tight, and the length is just perfect. They have leggings in a few styles and I had ordered the one with a through zip, from the crotch all the way to just above the bum cheeks. They did not specify the number of zippers on their web site so I had assumed there would be two, maybe three if I was lucky. To my surprise there were FOUR! Not that it's a big deal to me, but it does allow for more flexible configurations of use. ;)
The rubber is of a medium thickness and feels great. Soft and pliable enough that it forms a good second skin without being too uncomfortable.
I was recommended Invincible by a few friends and I would not hesitate to buy from them again and can vouch for their quality and service. Perhaps next time it'll be a catsuit. :)
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Redemption Melbourne
Wow, what a weekend. Last Saturday there was a dance party called Redemption, themed 'Spartacus' for the Melbourne Leather Festival. Dress code called for leather, or fetish-wear like rubber, pvc or uniforms.
I went with S in full rubber, me in my rubber t-shirt and his rubber jeans, and i had bought a pair of 10-hole Doc Marten boots for the occassion. On the night itself, while changing we swapped boots as his DM's were shiny leather and went with my outfit better. So here we were, two rubbermen on their way to a night out of fun. Just before we left, though, I suddenly became incredibly nervous about going out in public wearing rubber, especially in a full outfit from head to toe. It's like my secret obsession and I didn't want to be seen in it. But S calmed me down and reassured me.
First stop was to the Peel, a popular gay bar, but it was early and wasn't too exciting, so we took a stroll down to the Laird instead. The crowd was more our kind, and there were two other rubbermen there (though they were older men and not quite to our taste). After having some drinks we caught a cab and made our way down to the city for the main event.
The party was spread over two levels, but most people were on the lower level where the dance floor was. As expected, there were more guys in leather than anything else. Seemed like it was only me and my friend in rubber. Saw a few other guys with tight skimpy shorts which might have been rubber but we couldn't be sure. might have been PVC, but still a bit disappointing in that respect that there weren't many rubbermen there. Besides that, it was a pretty good mixed crowd of older and younger guys. Some nice eye candy to be checked out, including a cute guy in a paramedic overall.
The music was great, and I hadn't gone dancing in ages and it made me realize how much I missed it. I was feeling incredibly sexy while wearing full rubber, and the nervousness I had earlier had totally dissipated. I was enjoying myself among my kind of people.
Really enjoyed myself and we were there until almost 4am when we made our way back, exhausted. I had the most fun in a very long time.
I went with S in full rubber, me in my rubber t-shirt and his rubber jeans, and i had bought a pair of 10-hole Doc Marten boots for the occassion. On the night itself, while changing we swapped boots as his DM's were shiny leather and went with my outfit better. So here we were, two rubbermen on their way to a night out of fun. Just before we left, though, I suddenly became incredibly nervous about going out in public wearing rubber, especially in a full outfit from head to toe. It's like my secret obsession and I didn't want to be seen in it. But S calmed me down and reassured me.
First stop was to the Peel, a popular gay bar, but it was early and wasn't too exciting, so we took a stroll down to the Laird instead. The crowd was more our kind, and there were two other rubbermen there (though they were older men and not quite to our taste). After having some drinks we caught a cab and made our way down to the city for the main event.
The party was spread over two levels, but most people were on the lower level where the dance floor was. As expected, there were more guys in leather than anything else. Seemed like it was only me and my friend in rubber. Saw a few other guys with tight skimpy shorts which might have been rubber but we couldn't be sure. might have been PVC, but still a bit disappointing in that respect that there weren't many rubbermen there. Besides that, it was a pretty good mixed crowd of older and younger guys. Some nice eye candy to be checked out, including a cute guy in a paramedic overall.
The music was great, and I hadn't gone dancing in ages and it made me realize how much I missed it. I was feeling incredibly sexy while wearing full rubber, and the nervousness I had earlier had totally dissipated. I was enjoying myself among my kind of people.
Really enjoyed myself and we were there until almost 4am when we made our way back, exhausted. I had the most fun in a very long time.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Escapism
After a disappointing work-related meeting today, I've dipped again. Now I have additional things to worry about, job-wise.
On the advice of my best online rubber buddy, (yes, you!), I put on my rubber shirt. My fetish life is my escape from the real world. A chance to clear my mind and be one with myself. My second skin is the one I can truly be comfortable in.
As I sat here, in front of the computer, feeling the rubber tightening around my body, my hands start feeling my body through it. I feel comfortable and reassured. My mind drifts. I close my eyes and think of S and what happened on Sunday, replaying the same thoughts that I've been having every night just before I fall asleep, and the first thing when I wake up in the morning. I feel calm and relaxed, a little tingly with chills running up my spine, but also a strong longing for his touch and cuddles which I already miss so much.
Is this what love feels like? Am I in love? I can't say for sure. But at this time I can only remember the good time I had and cherish it, until the next time I get to see him again.
On the advice of my best online rubber buddy, (yes, you!), I put on my rubber shirt. My fetish life is my escape from the real world. A chance to clear my mind and be one with myself. My second skin is the one I can truly be comfortable in.
As I sat here, in front of the computer, feeling the rubber tightening around my body, my hands start feeling my body through it. I feel comfortable and reassured. My mind drifts. I close my eyes and think of S and what happened on Sunday, replaying the same thoughts that I've been having every night just before I fall asleep, and the first thing when I wake up in the morning. I feel calm and relaxed, a little tingly with chills running up my spine, but also a strong longing for his touch and cuddles which I already miss so much.
Is this what love feels like? Am I in love? I can't say for sure. But at this time I can only remember the good time I had and cherish it, until the next time I get to see him again.
Monday, August 09, 2004
Rollercoasters
This last couple of weeks have proven to be a mental and emotional rollercoaster ride for me. So many things have been going through my head. It all started with that fateful trip to Club80. That really was the one that opened up Pandora's Box. It's the first time I've gone out and meet strangers for casual, semi-anonymous sex, and all the risks that come along with that. In the days that followed, I've been having waves of worry and panic over my actions and the off-chance that I may have caught a STD or even HIV.
I'm pretty sure I took all the necessary precautions and never engaged in unsafe behavior, but when I came down with flu-y symptoms mid last week, my mind couldn't shake the thought. Thing is, Melbourne weather turned wet and cold around the same time, and there appears to be a bug going around and half the people I know here have been down with the the flu in the past 2 weeks.
Besides that, I've been having vast mood swings. Starting from the weekend I went to Club80, I received my first rubber t-shirt on the following monday and the days that followed, I was on an euphoric high. I felt brave and confident of my own identity and that I had 'arrived' as a man. Then suddenly on Wednesday night I had an encounter with a rubberman who was in town visiting. While it was an exciting first play in rubber, but ultimately I left disappointed because in the end it was just sex, without tenderness and companionship. This man had a boyfriend where he came from, and that probably hit me hard that after this, he'd still have someone to go home to and that left me feeling empty inside.
I was in a mild depression for the next few days, questioning my actions and feelings. Why was I feeling so good about myself and it was 'bad' behaviour. The angel and the devil on my shoulders were at war, because for the first time in my life, I let the devil out and did 'naughty' things, totally out of my character. And the angel wasn't too happy about that, my enjoyment of those guilty pleasures. It was around then I was coming down with the flu and that gave more cannon fodder for the argument against my promiscuity.
At this point I started forming my own thoughts on what I wanted out of an encounter. The things I liked and the things I didn't. Setting up my ground rules, and boundries, now that I have had SOME experience and tried a few things with people. For one I've decided I don't want a quick fuck with an anonymous person. I'd rather know him as a friend first, which makes it all the more meaningful, even if it doesn't lead to anything beyond that.
And it was on Sunday when I got the invitation to meet up, and right off the bat I already stated what I was looking for, and so happened he was agreeable to my terms, and also wasn't looking for a quick fuck in the dark. That opened me up a bit and who would have thought how it had ended up the way it did.
I guess what happened that day was that I finally realized I had a void in my life i never knew I did. I was lonely and desparate for companionship. I've always led an independent life, brushing off suggestions to find a partner and settle down because I want to lead my life the way I want to, and being able to move around as and when I please. Although I've had girlfriends before, I've never felt this level of intimacy with them. I was so comfortable and at ease with S that night, despite only having known him for a few hours. Everything just felt right. It wasn't just about the rubber and the sex anymore. I felt connected with him on a deeper level. It's probably too early to speculate and having any expectations so I will not even attempt to do so, but I'm very happy for what happened to me that fateful night and this week I'm in euphoria again.
I'm pretty sure I took all the necessary precautions and never engaged in unsafe behavior, but when I came down with flu-y symptoms mid last week, my mind couldn't shake the thought. Thing is, Melbourne weather turned wet and cold around the same time, and there appears to be a bug going around and half the people I know here have been down with the the flu in the past 2 weeks.
Besides that, I've been having vast mood swings. Starting from the weekend I went to Club80, I received my first rubber t-shirt on the following monday and the days that followed, I was on an euphoric high. I felt brave and confident of my own identity and that I had 'arrived' as a man. Then suddenly on Wednesday night I had an encounter with a rubberman who was in town visiting. While it was an exciting first play in rubber, but ultimately I left disappointed because in the end it was just sex, without tenderness and companionship. This man had a boyfriend where he came from, and that probably hit me hard that after this, he'd still have someone to go home to and that left me feeling empty inside.
I was in a mild depression for the next few days, questioning my actions and feelings. Why was I feeling so good about myself and it was 'bad' behaviour. The angel and the devil on my shoulders were at war, because for the first time in my life, I let the devil out and did 'naughty' things, totally out of my character. And the angel wasn't too happy about that, my enjoyment of those guilty pleasures. It was around then I was coming down with the flu and that gave more cannon fodder for the argument against my promiscuity.
At this point I started forming my own thoughts on what I wanted out of an encounter. The things I liked and the things I didn't. Setting up my ground rules, and boundries, now that I have had SOME experience and tried a few things with people. For one I've decided I don't want a quick fuck with an anonymous person. I'd rather know him as a friend first, which makes it all the more meaningful, even if it doesn't lead to anything beyond that.
And it was on Sunday when I got the invitation to meet up, and right off the bat I already stated what I was looking for, and so happened he was agreeable to my terms, and also wasn't looking for a quick fuck in the dark. That opened me up a bit and who would have thought how it had ended up the way it did.
I guess what happened that day was that I finally realized I had a void in my life i never knew I did. I was lonely and desparate for companionship. I've always led an independent life, brushing off suggestions to find a partner and settle down because I want to lead my life the way I want to, and being able to move around as and when I please. Although I've had girlfriends before, I've never felt this level of intimacy with them. I was so comfortable and at ease with S that night, despite only having known him for a few hours. Everything just felt right. It wasn't just about the rubber and the sex anymore. I felt connected with him on a deeper level. It's probably too early to speculate and having any expectations so I will not even attempt to do so, but I'm very happy for what happened to me that fateful night and this week I'm in euphoria again.
A Perfect Day
Sunday started off as a pretty normal, uneventful day. Just relaxing and lazing around the house, going online and chatting with a few buds.
Mid-afternoon, I got a PM (private message) from someone (whom I'll refer henceforth as "S") who's in Melbourne too. We got onto MSN and chatted a bit, and to our mutual surprise we were in the same suburb! We then thought it was a bit silly to chat online so we decided to meet at a cafe nearby for coffee.
I was nervous as usual, but went without expectations, just to see and get to know him. He was at the cafe before me, and was very friendly and we got along pretty well. We chatted about the usual stuff, work and life, then onto our fetishes and rubber. Since we seemed to 'click', he asked if i wanted to 'play' for a bit, in rubber of course. He said he had some gear which he'd let me try on. I was intrigued but a bit hesitant at first, after all being our first 'date' so to speak. But since we were doing things spontaneously today, I agreed. We walked down to our neighbourhood, and he showed me the street he lived at, and I went back home to get my rubber t-shirt.
Half an hour later I was at his place and there was a brief moment of awkwardness, due to nervousness on both of us but was quickly dispelled with some reassuring hugs and kisses. Well, we ended up in his bedroom, with his rubber gear lined up on the bed. While waiting for me he had already put his surf-suit on, and made me put on his rubber jeans, and hooded sports jacket. Everything fit nicely and it felt really good, on top of the t-shirt I already had on. We romped around on the bed for quite a bit... enjoying the feel, smell and sounds of all that rubber on us, and touching our own bodies. It was very horny. I was enjoying the rubber so much, we didn't even get down to our cocks until much later, and we sucked each other off, with a bit of 69 at some point, and finished each other off by hand.
After we cummed, we snuggled up each other, feeling really good. I felt really comfortable with S and there was definitely a good connection there. We cleaned up and had some food from the kitchen, and watched a dvd in front of the open fireplace in his cosy house. Snuggled up against each other on the couch, it was so romantic. I was in bliss after I came back home, reluctantly. I fell asleep thinking of what happened during the day and the unexpected turn it had taken, for the better.
Mid-afternoon, I got a PM (private message) from someone (whom I'll refer henceforth as "S") who's in Melbourne too. We got onto MSN and chatted a bit, and to our mutual surprise we were in the same suburb! We then thought it was a bit silly to chat online so we decided to meet at a cafe nearby for coffee.
I was nervous as usual, but went without expectations, just to see and get to know him. He was at the cafe before me, and was very friendly and we got along pretty well. We chatted about the usual stuff, work and life, then onto our fetishes and rubber. Since we seemed to 'click', he asked if i wanted to 'play' for a bit, in rubber of course. He said he had some gear which he'd let me try on. I was intrigued but a bit hesitant at first, after all being our first 'date' so to speak. But since we were doing things spontaneously today, I agreed. We walked down to our neighbourhood, and he showed me the street he lived at, and I went back home to get my rubber t-shirt.
Half an hour later I was at his place and there was a brief moment of awkwardness, due to nervousness on both of us but was quickly dispelled with some reassuring hugs and kisses. Well, we ended up in his bedroom, with his rubber gear lined up on the bed. While waiting for me he had already put his surf-suit on, and made me put on his rubber jeans, and hooded sports jacket. Everything fit nicely and it felt really good, on top of the t-shirt I already had on. We romped around on the bed for quite a bit... enjoying the feel, smell and sounds of all that rubber on us, and touching our own bodies. It was very horny. I was enjoying the rubber so much, we didn't even get down to our cocks until much later, and we sucked each other off, with a bit of 69 at some point, and finished each other off by hand.
After we cummed, we snuggled up each other, feeling really good. I felt really comfortable with S and there was definitely a good connection there. We cleaned up and had some food from the kitchen, and watched a dvd in front of the open fireplace in his cosy house. Snuggled up against each other on the couch, it was so romantic. I was in bliss after I came back home, reluctantly. I fell asleep thinking of what happened during the day and the unexpected turn it had taken, for the better.
Monday, August 02, 2004
My Rubber T-shirt
My order from Reactor arrived today! I got the email from them last friday saying they had mailed it out that very afternoon. I was hoping, but not really expecting it to arrive today, but I still checked my mailbox every couple of hours and imagine my surprise when there was a package for me after lunch.
I ripped the package open and took it all in slowly... the feel, the smell, the look of the shiny material. Eventually taking my normal clothes off and putting the rubber one on. Thus began my transformation into a rubberman.
Being a short-sleeve t-shirt with a zippered front, there was no trouble at all putting it on, even without any talc or lube. While zipping it up.. the rubber just gripped my torso tight and it felt awesome. The sleeves are very short, which i'm not really used to when wearing normal t-shirts, but it definitely outlines the body nicely. Every movement, every stretch, every breath, the rubber moves and stretches with the body. Looking myself in the mirror, I see this guy who looks HOT, and it takes a while for my brain to process it and realize that it's myself. I've never been proud of my body before this.
I've had the rubber t-shirt on ever since I got it out of the package, and still have it on as I'm typing this, 5.5 hours later. It feels so good and comfortable I don't want to take it off. Just a couple of hours earlier I had put my sheath on and jerked off with a few fellow rubber buddies on webcam, sort of an initiation into my new rubber life. The feeling was intense, feeling the tight rubber on my body and my cock, with the heady latex smell drifing into my nostrils, and watching my friends (also in rubber) and myself on camera jerking off.
I feel like I am a different person now. The person I've been wanting to be for a VERY long time. I've finally 'connected' with my fetish fantasy life which has been out of reach until now. I feel accomplished, and I now carry an air of confidence of who I am and what I like. This is yet another step for me and I'm feeling positive and soaking in the experiences as they present themselves. This is only the beginning. BRING IT ON!
I ripped the package open and took it all in slowly... the feel, the smell, the look of the shiny material. Eventually taking my normal clothes off and putting the rubber one on. Thus began my transformation into a rubberman.
Being a short-sleeve t-shirt with a zippered front, there was no trouble at all putting it on, even without any talc or lube. While zipping it up.. the rubber just gripped my torso tight and it felt awesome. The sleeves are very short, which i'm not really used to when wearing normal t-shirts, but it definitely outlines the body nicely. Every movement, every stretch, every breath, the rubber moves and stretches with the body. Looking myself in the mirror, I see this guy who looks HOT, and it takes a while for my brain to process it and realize that it's myself. I've never been proud of my body before this.
I've had the rubber t-shirt on ever since I got it out of the package, and still have it on as I'm typing this, 5.5 hours later. It feels so good and comfortable I don't want to take it off. Just a couple of hours earlier I had put my sheath on and jerked off with a few fellow rubber buddies on webcam, sort of an initiation into my new rubber life. The feeling was intense, feeling the tight rubber on my body and my cock, with the heady latex smell drifing into my nostrils, and watching my friends (also in rubber) and myself on camera jerking off.
I feel like I am a different person now. The person I've been wanting to be for a VERY long time. I've finally 'connected' with my fetish fantasy life which has been out of reach until now. I feel accomplished, and I now carry an air of confidence of who I am and what I like. This is yet another step for me and I'm feeling positive and soaking in the experiences as they present themselves. This is only the beginning. BRING IT ON!
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Cruising
Last night I took a big step in my self-exploration. I made my first trip to a gay cruising venue here in Melbourne called Club80.
Lets rewind back to two days prior, when I got a message from someone on WorldRubberMen inviting me to meet him at Club80 on Saturday night. First of all I've never even heard of the place before, and I hardly know this guy and he's asking me to meet him there? Alarm bells were sounding in my head and I initially declined his offer, but after thinking about it for a day I decided to meet up with him after all, and I set some terms of my own. The rest of the day was in agony waiting for his response, and mentally preparing myself to go to his place which I'd never otherwise go. I've never even been to a gay bar or dance club, not to mention a gay cruising place.
He finally replied the message I left for him on the web site at about 6pm, and apologizing cos he would not be going there after all on that night. After all that rationalizing and calming of nerves I had done the whole day, I couldn't just let it slip. Sure I was nervous as hell, but I was also curious and wanted to see what this place is like. Having visited the web site I was suitably impressed and intrigued by the facilites, and of course what goes on in the dimly lit halls. So i summed up my courage, after much persuasion from a few close online friends, got myself dressed (ripped jeans and a tight, white t-shirt) and off I went.
The place wasn't hard to find, and I paid the $15 and was let through the heavy wooden door. It was around 9 when i got there and there weren't many people around then, so i walked around
checking the place out. Of the people that were there, some were using the computers, others watching the movies in the movie lounge. The main lounge areas are on the 1st floor and at the back there are stairs leading up to the cruising zone and loft, and down to the 'dungeon'. So I went up and everything was like I saw in the photos on their site, and then some. Very industrial-looking, with pipes, metal bars, railings and stairs, with dim lighting all around. The main cruising area has lots of small cubicle rooms, some with beds, some without. Further upstairs was the 'loft' which has about 5 or 6 rooms and they all have leather slings in them. There are iron prison bars which can be looked through into the rooms from the corridor but a shutter can be pulled down from inside if you want privacy.
At the time I was walking around, the ground floor 'dungeon' was still closed but there were posters announcing that there was a special thing going on... "Megafist" which from what I gathered was a regular meet by members of a Yahoo Group of the same name, into fisting, obviously. The doors were only to be opened at 10pm. Next door to the dungeon is another cruising area that totally pitch black and is like a maze of oil drums stacked up to form walls. You can peep through the gaps into the dungeon area, where I saw there were 2 or 3 slings and a few more private rooms.
It was in the pitch black darkness when i was looking through, that someone came and felt me up from behind, groping hands around my ass and up my chest. I sorta panicked for a bit, not knowing what to do next. To let him continue to what? I turned around and we kissed a bit. Then he asked me if i wanted to go to a room upstairs for some fun. Ok, so i agreed.
There was kissing, hugging and sucking... and he asked if I wanted to be fucked. I wasn't so sure about that so I kinda dissuaded him, but then he asked if I wanted to fuck him instead. So I decided to give it a go, and rubbered and lubed up my cock, but getting my dick into his anus was a lot harder than I imagined! In my frustration and nervousness I kinda lost my hard-on, which was embarassing, which made it even worse and i couldn't get it back. eeeeeps. It was most probably because I wasn't particularly attracted to him after seeing him in slightly better light. I apologized for my poor 'performance' and we went for some juice at the bar. We sat down and chatted a bit, but there were no sparks and I was losing interest. He gave me his number with the hopes of me calling him back but I would seriously doubt it.
I was still a bit tense and shaken, so I chilled out at the lounge reading the papers, and using the computers for a bit of surfing. Around half-past-midnight I went cruising again, both upstairs and downstairs around the dungeon area. There were more people around now and the people in the upstairs cruise zone standing about. Talk about being in a 'meat market'! I saw a lot of hot men in leather chaps and jeans, and a lot of shaven and short-cropped heads (which I have a soft spot for). I guess it all goes with the look.
I wasn't sure of what's supposed to happen and protocols etc., so i just walked right through the hallways checking people out (as well as I could in the dim light). I went round a few times. I saw a cool guy in an army uniform and passed him by a few times. he'd seen me and smiled at me before, so i eventually built up the guts to stop and chat him up, complimenting his outfit. So we chatted a bit then went back down to the bar and got some drinks and chatted some more, about our backgrounds and sex and fetishes.
It seems he's more into role playing and bondage of the army trainer kind of scenes, and he asked me if we wanted to go and 'play' a bit. I agreed to it, and he was very accomodating. He let me decide how we play and how far it goes. So we role played a bit and I was his recruit. There was kissing, tit play, submission of control (eg. "Your cock is mine now, boy. I own it and you do not touch it without my permission, boy. Do you understand, boy?"), that kind of stuff, which was a first for me. He'd order me to do stuff like play with his cock and balls, tits etc., and he'd play with my cock and balls while I'm 'at ease'. Then he had me face the wall with my hands held up high and jerked me off while standing behind me, with his cock between my legs and made me stroke it. He made me cum that way, holding me tight from behind, kissing my neck, with me pinned against the wall, and blowing my load on it. After that I was still under his control and he made me play with his tits while he jerked himself off to orgasm. After that we just stayed in the room and laid on the bed. I sat between his legs, my back on his chest and we just relaxed and enjoyed the cuddling and chatted about stuff.
We got along really well and before we knew it, it was 2am and he had to make a move as he had things to do the next day. He offered to send me back home which was a relief as there was no more public transport at that time and I'd otherwise have to take a cab.
On the whole it was a good, positive experience for me. I still feel a bit 'dirty' for going to place like this which in my conscience would be a dodgy and seedy place to be... but then again it was an eye opening experience to see what goes on behind these closed doors. My partner for the night was telling me, usually when 'cruising' people just go straight to the sex without much talk, but I, on the other hand, prefer to know the person a bit before doing anything. I guess that part of me is keeping me 'safe' from this otherwise risky behaviour.
The other thing, is that I think I feel more comfortable around guys more than girls. I think it's to do with knowing what the other person wants. Women are like a totally different species to me. Is this the confirmation I needed to know that I'm for a fact, gay? Tough call, that. In any case, I've definitely taken one step forward in life yesterday by overcoming the fear and tension of going to Club80. I've already crossed the threshold and I wouldn't hesitate to go back there and other bars and venues too.
Lets rewind back to two days prior, when I got a message from someone on WorldRubberMen inviting me to meet him at Club80 on Saturday night. First of all I've never even heard of the place before, and I hardly know this guy and he's asking me to meet him there? Alarm bells were sounding in my head and I initially declined his offer, but after thinking about it for a day I decided to meet up with him after all, and I set some terms of my own. The rest of the day was in agony waiting for his response, and mentally preparing myself to go to his place which I'd never otherwise go. I've never even been to a gay bar or dance club, not to mention a gay cruising place.
He finally replied the message I left for him on the web site at about 6pm, and apologizing cos he would not be going there after all on that night. After all that rationalizing and calming of nerves I had done the whole day, I couldn't just let it slip. Sure I was nervous as hell, but I was also curious and wanted to see what this place is like. Having visited the web site I was suitably impressed and intrigued by the facilites, and of course what goes on in the dimly lit halls. So i summed up my courage, after much persuasion from a few close online friends, got myself dressed (ripped jeans and a tight, white t-shirt) and off I went.
The place wasn't hard to find, and I paid the $15 and was let through the heavy wooden door. It was around 9 when i got there and there weren't many people around then, so i walked around
checking the place out. Of the people that were there, some were using the computers, others watching the movies in the movie lounge. The main lounge areas are on the 1st floor and at the back there are stairs leading up to the cruising zone and loft, and down to the 'dungeon'. So I went up and everything was like I saw in the photos on their site, and then some. Very industrial-looking, with pipes, metal bars, railings and stairs, with dim lighting all around. The main cruising area has lots of small cubicle rooms, some with beds, some without. Further upstairs was the 'loft' which has about 5 or 6 rooms and they all have leather slings in them. There are iron prison bars which can be looked through into the rooms from the corridor but a shutter can be pulled down from inside if you want privacy.
At the time I was walking around, the ground floor 'dungeon' was still closed but there were posters announcing that there was a special thing going on... "Megafist" which from what I gathered was a regular meet by members of a Yahoo Group of the same name, into fisting, obviously. The doors were only to be opened at 10pm. Next door to the dungeon is another cruising area that totally pitch black and is like a maze of oil drums stacked up to form walls. You can peep through the gaps into the dungeon area, where I saw there were 2 or 3 slings and a few more private rooms.
It was in the pitch black darkness when i was looking through, that someone came and felt me up from behind, groping hands around my ass and up my chest. I sorta panicked for a bit, not knowing what to do next. To let him continue to what? I turned around and we kissed a bit. Then he asked me if i wanted to go to a room upstairs for some fun. Ok, so i agreed.
There was kissing, hugging and sucking... and he asked if I wanted to be fucked. I wasn't so sure about that so I kinda dissuaded him, but then he asked if I wanted to fuck him instead. So I decided to give it a go, and rubbered and lubed up my cock, but getting my dick into his anus was a lot harder than I imagined! In my frustration and nervousness I kinda lost my hard-on, which was embarassing, which made it even worse and i couldn't get it back. eeeeeps. It was most probably because I wasn't particularly attracted to him after seeing him in slightly better light. I apologized for my poor 'performance' and we went for some juice at the bar. We sat down and chatted a bit, but there were no sparks and I was losing interest. He gave me his number with the hopes of me calling him back but I would seriously doubt it.
I was still a bit tense and shaken, so I chilled out at the lounge reading the papers, and using the computers for a bit of surfing. Around half-past-midnight I went cruising again, both upstairs and downstairs around the dungeon area. There were more people around now and the people in the upstairs cruise zone standing about. Talk about being in a 'meat market'! I saw a lot of hot men in leather chaps and jeans, and a lot of shaven and short-cropped heads (which I have a soft spot for). I guess it all goes with the look.
I wasn't sure of what's supposed to happen and protocols etc., so i just walked right through the hallways checking people out (as well as I could in the dim light). I went round a few times. I saw a cool guy in an army uniform and passed him by a few times. he'd seen me and smiled at me before, so i eventually built up the guts to stop and chat him up, complimenting his outfit. So we chatted a bit then went back down to the bar and got some drinks and chatted some more, about our backgrounds and sex and fetishes.
It seems he's more into role playing and bondage of the army trainer kind of scenes, and he asked me if we wanted to go and 'play' a bit. I agreed to it, and he was very accomodating. He let me decide how we play and how far it goes. So we role played a bit and I was his recruit. There was kissing, tit play, submission of control (eg. "Your cock is mine now, boy. I own it and you do not touch it without my permission, boy. Do you understand, boy?"), that kind of stuff, which was a first for me. He'd order me to do stuff like play with his cock and balls, tits etc., and he'd play with my cock and balls while I'm 'at ease'. Then he had me face the wall with my hands held up high and jerked me off while standing behind me, with his cock between my legs and made me stroke it. He made me cum that way, holding me tight from behind, kissing my neck, with me pinned against the wall, and blowing my load on it. After that I was still under his control and he made me play with his tits while he jerked himself off to orgasm. After that we just stayed in the room and laid on the bed. I sat between his legs, my back on his chest and we just relaxed and enjoyed the cuddling and chatted about stuff.
We got along really well and before we knew it, it was 2am and he had to make a move as he had things to do the next day. He offered to send me back home which was a relief as there was no more public transport at that time and I'd otherwise have to take a cab.
On the whole it was a good, positive experience for me. I still feel a bit 'dirty' for going to place like this which in my conscience would be a dodgy and seedy place to be... but then again it was an eye opening experience to see what goes on behind these closed doors. My partner for the night was telling me, usually when 'cruising' people just go straight to the sex without much talk, but I, on the other hand, prefer to know the person a bit before doing anything. I guess that part of me is keeping me 'safe' from this otherwise risky behaviour.
The other thing, is that I think I feel more comfortable around guys more than girls. I think it's to do with knowing what the other person wants. Women are like a totally different species to me. Is this the confirmation I needed to know that I'm for a fact, gay? Tough call, that. In any case, I've definitely taken one step forward in life yesterday by overcoming the fear and tension of going to Club80. I've already crossed the threshold and I wouldn't hesitate to go back there and other bars and venues too.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
My first order
A few days ago I gave in, and placed an order for a zippered rubber short-sleeve t-shirt from Reactor Rubberwear in Sydney. The deal-sweetener was the free shipping till the end of the month, but seeing as they are (relatively) local, it wouldn't have been much anyway, I think.
Unfortunately, they didn't have my size with a black zipper that I specified, only with silver zippers. They gave me an option to change my order and they can send it immediately, or wait for them to make me a new one, which will take 10 days. I opted to wait and so they said they'll email me back when it's ready and has been shipped out.
Woo hoo! I'm excited that I've finally bit the bullet and bought myself some decent rubberwear. I can't wait for it to arrive in just over a week's time.
Unfortunately, they didn't have my size with a black zipper that I specified, only with silver zippers. They gave me an option to change my order and they can send it immediately, or wait for them to make me a new one, which will take 10 days. I opted to wait and so they said they'll email me back when it's ready and has been shipped out.
Woo hoo! I'm excited that I've finally bit the bullet and bought myself some decent rubberwear. I can't wait for it to arrive in just over a week's time.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Gas masks
I must admit I was never really interested in gas masks as a fetish, and when you don't 'get it' you wonder why it's such a turn-on for some people.
Only recently through some of my new online friends' descriptions and persuasion, I've gotten mildly interested in them. Last weekend I went back to Eagle Leather to see if they had any new stuff.. and noticed they had some gas masks too... So I took the chance to try them out. They had two, a grey Russian one which covered the whole head in rubber, and a German one with triangular eyepieces and rubber straps.
I prefered the German one because it was more comfortable, and the lenses didn't fog up. I liked the look of the German one better too, but that's up to individual taste. With the mask on, breathing is a little restricted and there's the rubber smell all around. I began to understand why gas masks are so popular among rubberists.
They were going for AUD 60 apiece, which didn't seem very expensive to me, but I'm going to check online on ebay, and also in the army disposals and surplus stores and see if they have anything.
Only recently through some of my new online friends' descriptions and persuasion, I've gotten mildly interested in them. Last weekend I went back to Eagle Leather to see if they had any new stuff.. and noticed they had some gas masks too... So I took the chance to try them out. They had two, a grey Russian one which covered the whole head in rubber, and a German one with triangular eyepieces and rubber straps.
I prefered the German one because it was more comfortable, and the lenses didn't fog up. I liked the look of the German one better too, but that's up to individual taste. With the mask on, breathing is a little restricted and there's the rubber smell all around. I began to understand why gas masks are so popular among rubberists.
They were going for AUD 60 apiece, which didn't seem very expensive to me, but I'm going to check online on ebay, and also in the army disposals and surplus stores and see if they have anything.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Invincible Catalogue
Today I got a pleasant surprise in the mailbox. The catalogue I had ordered from Invincible Rubber had arrived. It only took 3-4 days coming from the UK and I was suitably impressed!
The catalogue itself is beautiful in full colour and that hot stud seen on their site is on every single page, modelling each of Invincible's wares. Very nice.
I've already heard many kudos about them and their responsiveness in responding to my email and dispatching my order only reaffirms their good reputation. I will certainly be ordering something from them soon.
The catalogue itself is beautiful in full colour and that hot stud seen on their site is on every single page, modelling each of Invincible's wares. Very nice.
I've already heard many kudos about them and their responsiveness in responding to my email and dispatching my order only reaffirms their good reputation. I will certainly be ordering something from them soon.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Upsetting
My unsettled emotions turned into anger and grief today and I think I've pissed a few people off, most of all Jeremy who's been really patient with me all this while. The first thing was that Jeremy and I were chatting about what was said in yesterday's post and what I'm going through, but i kept getting distracted by another guy I was chatting with who got me riled up about the way I work and how it's 'supposed to be done'. Here I was trying to balance two conversations regarding two subjects equally important to me and pissing both people off.
Eventually I closed off the work-related chat and just focused on one, but I've had to scoot mid-discussion due to a lunch appointment which dragged on a little longer than expected. I never did get to finish it because when I next saw Jeremy a few minutes ago we only exchanged a few sentences and _he_ had to go. He didn't sound too pleased to see me.
One of the things brought up during that earlier chat was that I'm looking for answers before they are due. I am by nature inquisitive and have a thirst for knowledge. Is it possible to know too much? As I've said I have a good thing going and all I'm afraid of making the wrong decisions and fucking my whole life up. I'd want to make an informed decision so that would mean analyzing the cards I've been dealt. Obviously I can't have the whole deck and I don't expect that. It's just that I don't understand what my cards mean or how to play them.
I'm upset because I have upsetted other people just by speaking my mind. Yes I will admit I have some flaws and take life for granted. My biggest problem I guess is that I very well know that some of my actions and decisions would hurt me yet I run into them head on, like how I expected something to happen that night I booked the hotel room, when I very well knew I shouldn't have, and I got disappointed because of the unfavourable result. The chat with Jeremy too. I know he is genuinely trying to help me out but I became defensive and thick-headed for some reason, though I know what he's saying about me is true. If you're reading this, Jer, I'm truly sorry if I was an ass and I really want to work it all out again. Thanks.
Eventually I closed off the work-related chat and just focused on one, but I've had to scoot mid-discussion due to a lunch appointment which dragged on a little longer than expected. I never did get to finish it because when I next saw Jeremy a few minutes ago we only exchanged a few sentences and _he_ had to go. He didn't sound too pleased to see me.
One of the things brought up during that earlier chat was that I'm looking for answers before they are due. I am by nature inquisitive and have a thirst for knowledge. Is it possible to know too much? As I've said I have a good thing going and all I'm afraid of making the wrong decisions and fucking my whole life up. I'd want to make an informed decision so that would mean analyzing the cards I've been dealt. Obviously I can't have the whole deck and I don't expect that. It's just that I don't understand what my cards mean or how to play them.
I'm upset because I have upsetted other people just by speaking my mind. Yes I will admit I have some flaws and take life for granted. My biggest problem I guess is that I very well know that some of my actions and decisions would hurt me yet I run into them head on, like how I expected something to happen that night I booked the hotel room, when I very well knew I shouldn't have, and I got disappointed because of the unfavourable result. The chat with Jeremy too. I know he is genuinely trying to help me out but I became defensive and thick-headed for some reason, though I know what he's saying about me is true. If you're reading this, Jer, I'm truly sorry if I was an ass and I really want to work it all out again. Thanks.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Hot gear
Just so I won't forget this link to a guy's photo album:
http://www.kinkycities.com/members/vandelayboi
http://www.kinkycities.com/members/vandelayboi
Touchy-feely
The last few days I've been feeling a bit weird. I've been feeling emotional, and longing for a good hug. Especially if it's from B. I believe my intimate encounter with him not only satisfied my lustful urges, but also awakened an emotional part of me. I'm beginning to wonder if i actually do have feelings for him after all. Much as I want to deny these feelings in my head, they seem to be there. Is this what love feels like? I know we are much more than 'just friends'. Normal buddies don't just have sex with each other. I wonder if he's going through the same things as me.
We had agreed beforehand that we'd just play around with no strings attached, but still, it felt to _me_ it was much more than just sex... I feel I've become closer and know him so much better now. We shared something deep and sacred.
The critical and rational side of my brain tells me that i want B to be my friend who i can talk to openly about my sexuality and help me explore myself, and to vent out my frustrations. From experience with prior girlfriends (and hearing experiences from others), when a friendship turns into a steady relationship, conditions change, people change. You'd look at your partner differently and you can't really talk about certain things like you used to. I don't want things to change with B. We've got a great thing going here and I don't want to risk losing it. Taking it to the next level is a gamble.
These emotions I've been feeling are so alien to me. I'm I finally feeling 'love' for the first time? I didn't feel this way with my ex-girlfriends. I don't know. Do I want to know? Should I care? I'm looking for answers but don't know where to start. I don't know.
We had agreed beforehand that we'd just play around with no strings attached, but still, it felt to _me_ it was much more than just sex... I feel I've become closer and know him so much better now. We shared something deep and sacred.
The critical and rational side of my brain tells me that i want B to be my friend who i can talk to openly about my sexuality and help me explore myself, and to vent out my frustrations. From experience with prior girlfriends (and hearing experiences from others), when a friendship turns into a steady relationship, conditions change, people change. You'd look at your partner differently and you can't really talk about certain things like you used to. I don't want things to change with B. We've got a great thing going here and I don't want to risk losing it. Taking it to the next level is a gamble.
These emotions I've been feeling are so alien to me. I'm I finally feeling 'love' for the first time? I didn't feel this way with my ex-girlfriends. I don't know. Do I want to know? Should I care? I'm looking for answers but don't know where to start. I don't know.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Bliss
Remember my buddy B? I've been keeping in touch with him, and finally had a chance to finally catch up with him. He had been overseas for a few days on work, and was supposed to be back on Thursday evening. I had it all planned out to meet him for dinner, some drinks and some sex. We've already got an understanding that we'd do it with no strings attached. He knows I'm exploring my own sexuality, and he's happy to be with me.
I think i got a bit ahead of myself because even though I didn't have confirmation of the arrival of his flight back, I had booked us a room at a hotel where we could spend the night together in private. We messaged each other on our mobile phones, but i think not all my messages actually got through to him when he was overseas. Anyway, I only got word that he'd be landing at 11pm, so i waited, and waited. At midnight only did I get a message from him saying that he'd just arrived, and horror of horrors, his mom was at the airport to pick him up. Thus, he'd be whisked back home and not likely to come back out that night, being as late as it was.
I knew I shouldn't have harboured any expectations, but I still did, and it got the better of me. I was very disappointed at the no-show of B that night, and just took a shower and went to bed. I lay alone in that hotel room thinking it wasn't meant to be like this. I figured I had just wasted my effort and money on this preparation and slept with a heavy heart.
The next morning I woke up around 7:30am and was writing B a SMS expressing my disappointment and regret at how things had turned out. Before I sent it out I actually got an incoming SMS from none other than B himself. He told me he wanted to come to the hotel that morning to see me. That got my heart racing again and I called him back immediately and told him where I was.
When he arrived, we didn't talk much before he gave me the biggest hug and we just embraced each other for a long time. Seemed he missed me as much as I missed him. We were making out and rolled onto the bed. Shirts came off. We'd kiss, sometimes heavily, sometimes light gentle pecks. He'd suck and play with my nipples, then he'd glide his tongue over my chest, up my neck, under my armpits, sending electrifying waves of pleasure I've never ever felt before. It was a totally new experience and I did the same back to him, and seeing it had the same effect on him.
It didn't take too long before pants came off too, and here we were, two guys stark naked, locked in embrace and aroused by each other's presence. Occasionally he'd give me a blow job, and this time I actually returned the favour and I think he appreciated it. There was once I was lying on my back and he was actually fucking my face even. I managed ok for a novice, and didn't gag at all.
B brought a surprise, a bottle of something called 'Rush' which i figured to be poppers. I have never done any drugs in my life, but he assured me this was safe and non-addictive. We both took a whiff out of the bottle and it felt warm, and gives a light-headed 'high' feeling, as if when you're drunk. It is said poppers make you feel hornier but I wasn't too sure if it had that effect on me. Maybe I was already horny enough as it is.
We'd hold each other closely, dicks touching each other and grinding our hips together. He'd hold both our dicks together and stroke them simultaneously. We'd touch each other's body, exploring the feelings we get when different parts of the body is caressed. We'd lie there and stare into each other's eyes. We'd kiss with our tongues probing each other's mouth. We'd sometimes talk about how we feel about the situation that we're in, my sexuality, his emotional state. We were crystal clear on our intents and needs of each other.
I asked him to fuck me in the arse, but he refused. Insisting I wasn't ready for it. He kept dissuading me saying that it'll hurt. He wouldn't even hear of doing the opposite, me penetrating him. After much persuasion, I managed to coax an explanation out of him. For him, doing anal is a very emotionally intimate act, and he was afraid if he did it, he might not be able to control his emotions for me. He's been hurt too many times and vowed not to let that happen again, and I respect his decision and did not pursue the matter further. In this I realized his sincerity and commitment to making this work out for both of use without compromising our present level of the relationship, that is one that's purely mutual pleasure and exploration between two close friends.
Well we continued playing with each other and got to caressing and tickling the arse hole and that erotic zone of flesh between your butthole and your ball sac. He even once used his tongue and gave me a lick around my asshole, sending the wave of pleasure all the way up my spine. I lubed up his finger and asked him to stick it in. He did, slowly. I must've been really tensed up as he said I was damn tight. Still he managed to get his finger in and it drove me wild. He fingered me and brought me to orgasm. I cummed a huge load on his chest and drenched him. I massaged my cum on his chest and kept kissing him while he stroked himself to orgasm too. We lay next to each other basking in the afterglow for a short while before getting up and took a shower together to clean up.
All in, we were at it for just over 3 hours. I was in no hurry and wanted it to last as long as it could, savouring the companionship and pleasure we were giving each other. It was the best time I've had in a long time, and a much welcome experience in discovering how sexy our own bodies are as a whole, especially when sharing it with another person. A far cry from masturbation which is focused on the dick, not that it isn't fun, just a different sensation.
After we cleaned up, I checked out of the hotel and we had lunch and chatted more about stoic stuff like work and travel. He still had to get back to work after lunch (he had taken half-day leave under the pretense of exhaustion from his overseas work and travel) so we parted ways. I don't know when will be the next time I'll see him again, but I hope it won't be as long as the last gap of 2+ years.
I think i got a bit ahead of myself because even though I didn't have confirmation of the arrival of his flight back, I had booked us a room at a hotel where we could spend the night together in private. We messaged each other on our mobile phones, but i think not all my messages actually got through to him when he was overseas. Anyway, I only got word that he'd be landing at 11pm, so i waited, and waited. At midnight only did I get a message from him saying that he'd just arrived, and horror of horrors, his mom was at the airport to pick him up. Thus, he'd be whisked back home and not likely to come back out that night, being as late as it was.
I knew I shouldn't have harboured any expectations, but I still did, and it got the better of me. I was very disappointed at the no-show of B that night, and just took a shower and went to bed. I lay alone in that hotel room thinking it wasn't meant to be like this. I figured I had just wasted my effort and money on this preparation and slept with a heavy heart.
The next morning I woke up around 7:30am and was writing B a SMS expressing my disappointment and regret at how things had turned out. Before I sent it out I actually got an incoming SMS from none other than B himself. He told me he wanted to come to the hotel that morning to see me. That got my heart racing again and I called him back immediately and told him where I was.
When he arrived, we didn't talk much before he gave me the biggest hug and we just embraced each other for a long time. Seemed he missed me as much as I missed him. We were making out and rolled onto the bed. Shirts came off. We'd kiss, sometimes heavily, sometimes light gentle pecks. He'd suck and play with my nipples, then he'd glide his tongue over my chest, up my neck, under my armpits, sending electrifying waves of pleasure I've never ever felt before. It was a totally new experience and I did the same back to him, and seeing it had the same effect on him.
It didn't take too long before pants came off too, and here we were, two guys stark naked, locked in embrace and aroused by each other's presence. Occasionally he'd give me a blow job, and this time I actually returned the favour and I think he appreciated it. There was once I was lying on my back and he was actually fucking my face even. I managed ok for a novice, and didn't gag at all.
B brought a surprise, a bottle of something called 'Rush' which i figured to be poppers. I have never done any drugs in my life, but he assured me this was safe and non-addictive. We both took a whiff out of the bottle and it felt warm, and gives a light-headed 'high' feeling, as if when you're drunk. It is said poppers make you feel hornier but I wasn't too sure if it had that effect on me. Maybe I was already horny enough as it is.
We'd hold each other closely, dicks touching each other and grinding our hips together. He'd hold both our dicks together and stroke them simultaneously. We'd touch each other's body, exploring the feelings we get when different parts of the body is caressed. We'd lie there and stare into each other's eyes. We'd kiss with our tongues probing each other's mouth. We'd sometimes talk about how we feel about the situation that we're in, my sexuality, his emotional state. We were crystal clear on our intents and needs of each other.
I asked him to fuck me in the arse, but he refused. Insisting I wasn't ready for it. He kept dissuading me saying that it'll hurt. He wouldn't even hear of doing the opposite, me penetrating him. After much persuasion, I managed to coax an explanation out of him. For him, doing anal is a very emotionally intimate act, and he was afraid if he did it, he might not be able to control his emotions for me. He's been hurt too many times and vowed not to let that happen again, and I respect his decision and did not pursue the matter further. In this I realized his sincerity and commitment to making this work out for both of use without compromising our present level of the relationship, that is one that's purely mutual pleasure and exploration between two close friends.
Well we continued playing with each other and got to caressing and tickling the arse hole and that erotic zone of flesh between your butthole and your ball sac. He even once used his tongue and gave me a lick around my asshole, sending the wave of pleasure all the way up my spine. I lubed up his finger and asked him to stick it in. He did, slowly. I must've been really tensed up as he said I was damn tight. Still he managed to get his finger in and it drove me wild. He fingered me and brought me to orgasm. I cummed a huge load on his chest and drenched him. I massaged my cum on his chest and kept kissing him while he stroked himself to orgasm too. We lay next to each other basking in the afterglow for a short while before getting up and took a shower together to clean up.
All in, we were at it for just over 3 hours. I was in no hurry and wanted it to last as long as it could, savouring the companionship and pleasure we were giving each other. It was the best time I've had in a long time, and a much welcome experience in discovering how sexy our own bodies are as a whole, especially when sharing it with another person. A far cry from masturbation which is focused on the dick, not that it isn't fun, just a different sensation.
After we cleaned up, I checked out of the hotel and we had lunch and chatted more about stoic stuff like work and travel. He still had to get back to work after lunch (he had taken half-day leave under the pretense of exhaustion from his overseas work and travel) so we parted ways. I don't know when will be the next time I'll see him again, but I hope it won't be as long as the last gap of 2+ years.
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